Rejuvenated wobbles
Kate’s Story
A long 16 years in education and running a franchise left Kate feeling stripped of her personality, angry, frustrated and fed up of the lack of control. She articulates a sentiment many of us can relate to, “I could feel the life draining away.”
Looking back, she can see that she struggled right from the start of working in that environment. The initial excitement soon wore off, and she quickly realised that she didn’t enjoy the small talk, or the way she was pigeonholed as ‘posh’ or ‘too quiet and aloof’ without anyone getting to really know her. Add to this the franchisee experience which made it seem like you are your own boss, but in fact you are beholden to the franchisor and lack much in the way of real control.
She started to get frustrated with doing tasks for the sake of it, with agendas set by others with no input, and any attempts at questioning being deemed unhelpful or defensive. She felt under constant scrutiny – always feeling that she was being held up against the ideals and opinions of those above her. People that never fully accepted her way of thinking – it didn’t match theirs so it was deemed wrong.
In teaching she also found that there was an expectation that teaching was all you were able to do, “Prior industry experience counted for nothing. Having a personality was a big no-no and offering new ways to do things using technology was considered too far-fetched and not in keeping with the way things had always been done. (Ha! look at them now – technology was essential in teaching during the recent pandemic!)”
This stress eventually started to affect Kate’s mental and physical health – initially through exacerbating what at the time was believed to be IBS symptoms, but later discovering it was endometriosis. Mentally she became a shadow of her former self – her confidence was shattered and she says “honestly felt I was just treading water and lacked any skill or ability to do my job.”
It was all consuming and so also started to have a significant effect at home. It felt like there was no end in sight. She was living for the next holiday but when they came around she usually ended up feeling ill and downcast. She says she became a complete party pooper, and a grumpy one at that!
Finally, the wake-up call came. A kind senior manager (they are in very short supply in teaching) advised Kate that she was being earmarked to be put on a competency plan with the ultimate goal to push her out and to try to sack her. Luckily, she secured an interview at a school considered best in the county for her subject and was snapped up. They considered her a fabulous teacher and helped her move on and re-establish her confidence.
On handing her notice in for the last time, Kate says, “It is one of the greatest things I’ve ever done for myself and my self-worth. I still feel rejuvenated by that feeling whenever I have a wobble. The look of complete disbelief that I dared put them in a position of having to find a replacement is something I will treasure. Not out of spite as I already felt I was letting down my students for leaving but out of a feeling of realisation that they truly had no idea how I was feeling.”
Jump forward to today and Kate has now been running her business for a year. Though she admits her previous experiences still have an impact on her she is absolutely positive that self-employment has changed her life for the better, “A weight has lifted from my shoulders. I feel free and ready to make my own challenges.”
Though there are times when she is very guarded and often consumed with paranoia that her best is simply not good enough, this is balanced out by the benefits – namely having a work day she can control and having the time and space to improve her self-confidence. She makes a very telling statement about her new self-employed life, “I no longer feel I don’t deserve good things.”
What a marvellous thing to hear!
There are certainly challenges that she has found in working for herself, the biggest so far has been knowing how to develop the business. There is so much, often conflicting, information out there that it is hard to know what to follow. She says the amount of noise makes it difficult to make a decision.
Does Kate feel she can be herself in her business? It’s still early days for her business, but she is certainly making great strides in being herself. “I still view it as a business and separate to my personal life but I am much less bothered about crossovers.”
When it comes to changing mindset towards work of herself, there are some tips she recommends. Firstly, having a routine has been so important for her as it helps structure the various aspects of running her own business, i.e. accounts are looked at on the same day each week, a daily tea break at roughly 11am helps to step away from the screen and have 15 minutes doing other things like a Sudoku or a quick hoover round! Plus, she uses chunking to break the work down, helping her to focus and ensure that work does not consume her every thought like it used to.
Overall, self-employment has been everything she I envisaged all those years ago when she first dreamed of it after competing an NCFE ‘Start your own business’ course and set about planning a Basque cuisine restaurant. The restaurant never came to fruition but it helped get her brain into the mindset of a freelancer.
Whether she would ever work for someone else in the corporate world again, she says “who knows?”. For now she is content working for herself, and though she still continues to work for others on a sub-contractual basis, this way of working still allows her the freedom of working from home and setting her own targets.
Kate - this contributor’s name has been changed at their request to remain anonymous. (Just be glad I gave you a sensible name ‘Kate’). 😂