It’s not all sunshine and unicorn poop
Joelle’s Story
I first came across Joelle Byrne sometime in 2020 by a mutual friend of ours, Jo Watson. I had attended a webinar of hers and thought ‘well she clearly knows her stuff’, I’m going to bank this one for when I finally get around to sorting some passive income products.
Fast forward a year and we have both joined the Northern Affinity network and we were ‘introduced’ properly. During a call with Joelle, I picked up that she had a backstory going on, but Christ on a bike, I did not realise the power of her story, until I asked if she wanted to be a contributor to this book and she sent me an epic response to my (now frankly underwhelming in comparison) prompts.
Settle in and go grab a brew, or something stronger. Here it is in her full raw, honest truth with an added sprinkle of her glorious humour.
Once upon a time, in an office building west of Leeds, worked an underestimated and firmly fed-up woman who was slowly losing the will to live. Between the bad management of staff, the blatant disregard for the civilian personnel by the operational staff and the governmental pressure to get more done with less funding – work was a constant uphill battle.
But that thoroughly fed-up woman really did think it was her that was the problem.
The establishment offered such obviously fabulous ‘benefits’ and ‘flexibility’, that it was sheer madness to question the institution, how it was run or some of the ingrained behaviours that were slowly sending their civilian staff members round the bend and often, over the edge.
When she left school in 2002, Joelle really didn’t know what she wanted to be so she followed the path she was guided down, “I was grown up, so I did what society tells us we should do; I got a job”.
I was lucky to land an administrative role in the financial sector and quickly became a sought after ‘trouble shooter’; redeployed to satellite offices to assist in the management of their excessive workloads. I soon became the youngest employee to be promoted to Team Leader, all before I was twenty years old. Unfortunately, despite being on the right path to huge ‘success’ in the industry, the company decided to restructure. Turned off by a potential two-hour, one way, commute, I was made redundant shortly before my twenty first birthday.
One thing I was always good at was first impressions; so, interviews were usually a walk in the park for me and I was lucky to never be unemployed. I walked straight out of that business in the private sector into public service, following in the footsteps of my dad and uncle, and soon followed by my sister too. It was a real family affair!
I was quickly promoted, publicly commended and had my sights set on managing the department and beyond. I spent nine years, eleven months and twenty-eight days giving them my all.
During my time there I initiated and managed a multi-agency partnership project that was internationally recognised by NASA, NICE, and the New Zealand Department for Health. I was part of a flagship team who created a brand-new service delivery model that demolished president and had impact beyond what I’m able to tell you here. And, I have to be honest, I really did love the difference I made in my job; but I felt like I was in a noose, and at any time, anyone could come along and swing the trapdoor open.
A perfect example of this was early in my career. My team and I were tasked with a desktop exercise that shouldn’t have taken more than a day’s good work. We were each given the same amount of work, split equally between us. When I presented my completed assignment to our manager twenty-four hours later, it was like the Spanish Inquisition. ‘How had I managed to get this work done before everyone else?’ They analysed my work with a fine-toothed comb. So fine, in fact, they may as well have done the work themselves. ‘Surely the job must be completed poorly if it’s been done so quickly?’
Not once was the question posed to the rest of the team that perhaps they might want to pull their fingers out and get on with the job?
Not once was it assumed that I just happened to be capable, clever and fast.
Nope, I was the only female in the team, and it was just assumed that I was rushing it when in fact, I was absolutely crushing it.
They just had no idea.
I could list out examples of this over and over again. I could reel off instances when I was literally shouted down in meetings, patronised, made to feel less-than worthy and generally just underestimated at every turn. At one point, a member of my team (who I managed) just stopped speaking to me! That’s right, a grown man who was probably old enough to be my dad decided that he was not only going to ignore the fact that I was his boss, but he was also going to pretend I didn’t exist at all. And no one in senior management did anything about it.
There was a constant undertone of misogyny (unsurprising in a white male dominated profession), a culture of promotion to rid a department of a problem person and a general sense of fear reaction not proactive change. HR had an evidence-based reputation of brushing things under the carpet and public opinion of the union was even worse. One department was regularly pitted against another, with inter-departmental arguing, backbiting, bitching and the biggest kick in the teeth of all, a huge lack of respect for my department and the difference we actually made.
My working life became a torrid rollercoaster of elation, mixed with consternation and unease. The biggest problem: walking on eggshells every day. Constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. The anxiety over when the good days would suddenly come crashing down around me, which they inevitably always did. From something as small as office politics that could easily blow up into atom bombs of drama, to accusations and complaints, each was usually unfounded, regularly based on some form of conscious bias, always poorly managed and definitely had the potential to destroy those involved completely.
The place was a ticking time bomb that staff spent their days passing to each other without regard for the consequences.
Unfortunately for me, behind everything else, my physical health wasn’t great. I’d had two intensive surgeries on my spine after a severe fall and I struggled with chronic pain. Thanks to the office, I was able to overcome it all as they supported me with time off and access to rehabilitation, for which I will be eternally grateful. (See, this story isn’t all a scathing condemnation of the corporate world; they were pretty damn decent to me when I was physically unwell. And doesn’t this speak to the culture of mental health issues and ignoring that which we can’t see?)
In 2012 the government changed and so the funding which had seen us create life-saving service models was suddenly gone. The department was decimated by two thirds, and although I can’t go into the real weight of the impact, I can tell you it was really fucking bad (yeah, that bad!).
The restructure saw good members of staff put through the wringer and, unsurprisingly, many didn’t come out of the other side. I wasn’t given the promotion I should have been because of my own cock-up in the interview (the only one in my life I’ve ever made an arse of!) Top management went off sick with stress and there was no one left to manage the department – but me. And despite being made to feel useless up to that point and NOT being given the job in the first place; I did it all, to the best of my ability, without the equivalent salary, with little support and with zero recognition.
Why? I have no idea. Some need to prove myself?
Some strange desire to protect the staff around me?
Some misguided idea that I needed to make this work no matter the consequence?
The need to say ‘I told you so’ to those who hadn’t believed in me enough the first-time round?
Who knows…?
My despondency was palpable at this stage but what choices were there? No one had ever told me there was an alternative to this life. No one had ever suggested that there was another choice.
And then… I got pregnant.
For me dealing with the profoundly serious side of my job was something I could no longer emotionally remove myself from, the politics would easily have me in tears and the commute felt like it was getting further and further each day.
God bless maternity leave for the break I so desperately needed.
When my daughter was nine months old I returned to work, but by this point my personal life was at an all-time low. From the outside I had everything a gen Y woman was ‘supposed’ to want; a beautiful home, a brilliant husband (partner), a bouncing baby, two dogs and even a Volvo!
In truth, it was a façade.
I couldn’t look my husband in the eye, and I was torn between not being able to manage my child and not being able to leave her. I had never been so low. Travelling to work each day I planned my own demise; I knew which bends I could accelerate too hard on, which might mean that I didn’t have to go to work, or home, or do anything ever again….
I had become a monster at home; unreasonable and intractable and so on my first Mother’s Day, my husband left me. And I didn’t blame him one bit.
That same evening, one of my dearest friends said the words I didn’t know I’d been waiting to hear:
“I don’t think you’re very well Joelle”
Two days later the GP formally diagnosed me with severe Postnatal Depression. Whether the circumstances at work leading up to my pregnancy were a contributing factor, I will never know.
After being diagnosed (and still working throughout!) I went about fixing things, all guns blazing, with the help of my wonderful husband (who came back the instant he knew that this awful illness was responsible for tearing us apart). We planned to tackle it head on, with medication, counselling and a full assessment of every aspect of our lives. That included both our jobs and our dreams for the future.
I’d been so miserable at work for so long that I just knew that stepping down from my role, despite the really good things I was going to miss, was absolutely the right decision for us. I had to protect my mental health, now more than ever, and working in an environment that was so unstable and potentially toxic, had to be the first thing I removed from my life for good.
It was a really hard decision though; I was the breadwinner, it was such a ‘stable’ and ‘flexible career’, they’d been so good to me (in the main) and most importantly, I had to consider that I might be letting my dad down.
Would my dad and sister be disappointed in me?
What would they think of this life-changing decision when they were both so ingrained in other parts of the same system?
The battle went on in my own mind, but ultimately, I had to put my health and my daughter and husband above everything else.
And still, even now, I didn’t realise that there was another choice. That it was possible to set up my own business, doing something I was good at. It never even crossed my mind.
I hoped that a change of job and sector might help me reduce stress and support my treatment, so I began to apply outside of the organisation. I was quickly successful in gaining a role working in the third sector and so, I handed in my notice.
In this new role I was still helping people, still contributing financially at home but metaphorically I was now part of the orchestra rather than the conductor.
But the fixer in me saw all the operationally poor systems that were in place there, and I no longer had the power to change any of them. It was so difficult to adjust from the influential role I’d become so used to, plus, they were so controlling with the staff, it was like being under a microscope all the time.
I was unhappy again, if not more so, but how the hell could I complain when I’d already upturned my life (and our bank balance!) to try and fix everything? So, I shut up, and put up.
Six months into my new role I began experiencing symptoms including tactile and visual hallucinations, struggling to concentrate, an inability to use my words effectively in speech and just a general difficulty in being me. As well as erratic mood swings from exceptionally happy (almost manic) to depressed and crying for what felt like no reason, I wanted to sleep all the time and continued to experience bouts of crippling anxiety. When I sought help, my new diagnosis was stress-induced psychosis; lovely!
At this point my husband and I decided that I was really broken, and something needed to be done.
Flexibility was going to be key to my recovery, as I would have good days and bad; so, it was important to find that in my life and work. Unfortunately, that’s just not possible when you work for someone else, and that is the hardest part of working for others; someone else is always a priority. And so, I decided that concentrating on getting better was the most important thing I could do for myself, and my family; and I quit.
You don’t know your own strength until you’re forced to dig yourself out of the deepest holes of your own mind. But even then, it was always assumed, by myself more so than anyone else, that I’d get another job once I was better. That I’d go back to being miserable, just at someone else’s leisure.
After leaving work, I found that I wanted to keep my brain as active as possible, so I returned to my forgotten love of writing. I stumbled upon an article about starting a blog. I just went for it, absorbing a whole world of new information, eventually helping other bloggers from around the world as a Virtual Assistant and working online ever since. What started as something I was doing as part of the healing process grew into a passion for learning more, and slowly into a business plan. I found a whole world of people living a laptop lifestyle and realised that ‘real world’ businesses needed to know that this was an option for them too.
Oh yeah; the dawning realisation that I could actually do this and this was a real option…
The more I concentrated on the new life and business I was building, the better I felt. Within twelve months of handing in my notice, I was completely recovered; no symptoms, no drugs, no more therapy and most importantly, I found the real me and that actually, I quite liked myself. Being able to manage my own time and being answerable only to myself and my closest family was undoubtedly the biggest contribution to that.
In my own mind I discovered the real me. The person who had always hid behind something, whether that be a self-deprecating comedy-quip or the uniform that I was so proud to wear, slowly fell away. I explored belief systems, psychology and energy awareness, slowly becoming a less cynical convert to the Law of Attraction. I discovered the power of vulnerability (through the wonderful Brené Brown) and how impactful true authenticity can be. I became comfortable in making mistakes and owning up to them, I moved away from blame and excuses, and took myself out into the world. Like me or not, I was there, doing my thing and helping as many people as I could, and feeling truly empowered for it.
I uncovered and developed all the skills and abilities I had and how they could help others. In this I was healthier, happier and more relaxed than I had been in years. I could do the school run, manage the mental load that all women have to bear, run a successful business and still have time to look after myself when I needed to.
Leaving employment was by far the best decision I ever made. I can’t accurately point out how long I’d been unhappy in the corporate world, maybe for most of my working life. What I can tell you is that the real joy came when I found my true vocation doing what I do now.
Without doubt, experiences I’ve had in my working life still crop up from time to time, but I can now see those with the objective perspective of someone outside of the situation. I’ve been able to identify what went wrong in those scenarios, where I should have stood up and said more, and where I should have plain-old shut my trap. Analysing the circumstances, some serious self-development and a hefty dose of introspection have allowed me to move forward from experiences that once kept me awake at night.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all sunshine and unicorn poop; financially it’s tough setting up on your own. My husband and I didn’t have much in the way of savings when I changed our entire financial landscape. Clients and customers don’t just magically drop out of the sky when you decide to set up business, so there is always going to be an inevitable financial impact at some point on the road. Personally, we accrued some significant debt in my first couple of years of sole trading, but it was worth it, ten times over.
One thing that was key to my success was the people I surrounded myself with right from the get-go. Being employed is guaranteed to pit you both with and against others, and there’s a good chance you won’t like everyone. Being self-employed gifts you the ability to surround yourself with people you actually want to work and spend time with, and it’s bloody liberating!
No longer are you forced to negotiate with the awkward bastard in the corner who stops speaking to you or be diplomatic with the office gossip who plainly just loves to cause drama. That passive-aggressive bitch you always end up needing something from? Forget her, she can officially kiss your beautiful butt, because you can choose to tell her you’re not working with her. And the simplistic joy that comes from that; there are no words to describe it.
When you run your own business, you can surround yourself with like-minded people who are doing this too; and there are A LOT of us! I’ve met some of my best friends since I became self-employed, through chance encounters at business events to introductions at networking meetings, each of them has brought something wonderful and unique into my life. For this, I am so grateful. Having a mastermind of business buddies that you can turn to whatever the business weather, is gold dust. That group, partnered with my ever-supportive parents and husband, have been my cheerleaders for each step of this incredible journey (turns out my dad wasn’t disappointed in me after all…)
Modelling your business to your desired lifestyle is also essential when you first set up on your own. Find ways that mean you don’t have to exchange time for money for every single pound you earn. This way, you can take time off without the fear of losing clients or cash and enjoy the time freedom that should come with running your own business. It may not be perfect immediately, and there will be some twelve-hour days and slim-cash weeks ahead, but, if you get this bit right, the long game can look a hell of a lot rosier.
Even if you offered me millions I would NEVER work for anyone else, ever again. I just can’t imagine having to answer to anyone but the wonderful clients I serve every day.
You can ask anyone who knew me then versus now, and they’ll tell you I’m like a different person. I’m rarely ill, I’m seldom in a bad mood and I’m always that annoyingly positive person with an answer to every perceived problem. You really can’t put a price on that.
And speaking of putting a price on things, if you’re wondering about cash; my business out earns what my old department head took home each year, plus, is completely uncapped in its earning potential. Because of the way I designed my business (and help others to do the same), I can create a six or seven-figure empire, should I so desire.
And that’s the point, isn’t it… it’s all about the choice. It’s MINE. My business and my finances are about my vision of success, no one else’s. No one else can put a price (a salary) on my worth. It’s no longer true that no matter how hard I work, and no matter what pay model I work for, my income will always be capped. Because when you work for someone else, even if it’s on commission and you’re the best salesperson in the damn room, there are still only so many hours in the day and therefore only so much money you can earn. You can work harder, longer and stronger than the person next to you, who swings round on their chair most of the day and still be paid the same.
Being self-employed with a business model that includes passive, scalable and automated income streams means that there is NO income ceiling to be squashed against. It’s your choice what you earn, how you earn it and how you work with your customers.
The answer to anything this life throws at you is out there if you look, find the right people to walk alongside you, design your business around the life you want to live and believe in your abilities. And if you need a little help, just like I did, there is absolutely no shame in getting it. If nothing else, I’m proof that there is a happily ever after.
Joelle Byrne - Business Strategist, Passive Income Generation | Multi-Revenue Streams | Automation
Website: JoelleByrne.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/passiveincomeforbusiness/
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Twitter: https://twitter.com/SmallBizIncome