What if dinosaurs were in business?
Last week I attended a blog writing course with the inimitable Jo Watson of agoodwriteup. At the end I was presented with a dinosaur and asked to write a blog using the techniques she had presented in which I linked dinosaurs back to business somehow. I had a brief moment of ‘Hurrah! Easy, peasy, squeezy!’ (see what I did there Jo?), but then I became quite conflicted in the direction I should take.
The more I thought and scribbled my scrambled musings down, the more ideas came out. All equally weird and/or random. But then I decided I liked it that way. Because, well, I can be a bit random.
So anyhoo, I’ve gone all Jurassic Park and this dino theme is now turning into a mini series (of 2, for now). Here is the first. Enjoy!
#Dinoblog 1: There’s a dinosaur at my desk!
I have to give (some) credit to my t’other half for this one, I mentioned the dinosaur blog challenge and he immediately came up with this cracking idea. In fact, no, I am going to credit the two pints he’d had at the time. He is so much more creative with a beer.
So, to get to the point. We got chatting about what dinosaurs would be like to work with? What are their workplace personalities like? How would they fit in with the modern workplace stereotypes? And my favourite thought – what would their LinkedIn profiles be like?
So I have nicked the idea and ran like a starved t-rex chasing his next caveman lunch. And Graham’s not getting all the credit, because my fossilised brain is doing the rest. So let’s begin.
But before we start: Beware, you need to take these as tongue in cheek. If you are not feeling the sarcasm or humour today feel free to exit this jurassic era.
The narky king of the dino world, they are the aggressive sales and recruitment types. Targets, targets, targets. Sell, sell, sell. “Gimme commission”. “I need all the meat, this person is mine, I saw him first”. He is a very showy creature and has a total brag fest and head-up-chest-out strut upon being named dino of the month.
Bigger than t-rex, Spinosaurus is the largest carnivorous dinosaur ever. This aggressive beast mostly struts about on two legs making his height and superiority clear. After all he is the boss. However, sometimes he approaches prey quietly on all fours in an unexpected attack. Silent but deadly. He likes to take his prey by surprise and make his authority known. This dinosaur has external spines: making him emotionless, lacking in any empathy for others and being known as a tyrannical boss. He leads by fear, not inspiration.
This vegetarian dinosaur bucks the aggressive trend, instead preferring instead to be seen as the gentle giant. They are the trendy, vegan, vaping and hipster types, complete with top knot, saving the world one chicken at a time. They dabble in yoga, ride their bike everywhere to save the planet and like to march for a good cause or perceived injustice. A regular signer of petitions and likes to make the good they do widely known. They are the king (or queen) of the ‘humblebrag’. They rise high above all others with their morals and principles.
They are the scavengers of the dino world, feeding on the scraps that others leave. They are very critical and can always do a better job and refine the work of others. Total micro-managers, their aim is to make others feel sub-standard.
The pterrys are the high flying entepreneurs, mumpreneurs, whateverelsepreneurs who love to profess their individuality, knowledge and supposed success. Their LinkedIn caption is likely to start with ‘no 1 something or other/ multi-award winning/ best-selling’ but have absolutely no basis for this claim. They can’t just be a regular person with a job, that would just be too standard for their ‘amazing and unique’ ideas.
A good old sturdy dinosaur with good, old-fashioned principles. Everyone recognises them but they are a bit stuck in the past through either necessity, not willing to move with the times or expecting the world to change rather than them. They can regularly be heard on LinkedIn proclaiming “this isn’t Facebook” or asking “is this relevant?”. Work is for work. Not fun. No casual conversations about plans for the weekend over a boiling kettle with this one. That would just not be appropriate.
Tough, resilient dinosaur with an armoured body that bounces off any opposing challenge, insult or put down. Also has a massive tail club to bash others out of the way in their fight to the top. Acts very entitled. No-one stands in their way. Everything is theirs for the taking.
A water-dwelling dino that has been reclassified as a reptile, these guys are there but rarely seen – also known as the freelancers and contractors of the dino business world. No-one
includes them as they are not considered to be a proper member of the team. People know they are there but try not to engage. They sit (well, swim) on the sidelines and observe, occasionally sticking their head out of the water to catch up on the world and what is going on before resinking into their safe home-based lair. They are often seen as a bit odd or a loner.
Not a dinosaur as such but, finally we have the Jurassic Park Scientist:
The total incompetent who’s attempts to do anything just seem to end in disaster. They have explosive ideas that they just run with, and will worry about the consequences later, if at all. They run a high risk of getting their head bitten off by a velociraptor or spinosaurus.
So do you recognise yourself or others in any dinoprofiles? I’d love to hear if you have any others to add.
Oh, and before we go. Just because we got a bit silly, and I couldn’t not share this, we somehow came up with the concept of selling those short-armed t-rexes a selfie stick. I have since new found out we were beaten to this gem of an idea. But still, if ever there was actually a need for the blasted contraptions this is it. The only need ever. As a bonus it coined my new phrase which soon followed, “It’s a sure win. Like trying to sell a t-rex a selfie stick”.
Just all kinds of genius and hilarity flowing.
Bless the beer.